God is a miracle.

Here are the things that currently run across my mind

Baguio God Sales Limit.

IMG_20180227_190751.jpg

 

Its getting late and its been hours since I have tried to upload my baguio street photography stash but the internet doesnt seem to cooperate

 

~

 

Ive since realised you can always make your life better

 

Ie. if you dont fit in with your job or the people there uninspire you go search a new one !!

eight hours ago you were a different person

NOW you can always always change your life for the better.

 

Seriously like im sitting right now in a coffee shop with fleas buzzing around me and it annoys the fuck out of me but for the sake of wifi

 

Im staying

See the bigger picture

Why do we work

 

Because we need to earn money to fuel our dreams.

 

There always is a cause and effect

 

Everything that happens to us have consequences that stems from the root of our action

 

If you believe in mind over matter,

then

All the bad luck coming or whatever shitty days you might have are nothing but water

~

So relating to water,

I’ve recently watched Shape of Water and it was incredible.

 

Im so sorry if the tone of this narrative is irritable (said previously im staying at a crappy coffee shop writing this piece profusely )

~

 

Lates ive been frantic about the meaning of life,

Like searching for your Truest self.

Examples might be going back to writing, getting runs from the gym or say, losing yourself over something ot someone in order to find yourself paradoxically in a way

 

I mean, ive been on this sales job since March of 2017 and it has been killing my insides so deeply that I have never imagined doing this sort of job and talking to these many people or hearing retorts that may be rhetorical or heavily idiotic to put it

Im so sorry im blogging my private thoughts on the internet

 

But lately ive been so sad im afraid depression might rain on me again like it did last 2013 when my tooth got chipped over a zombie run

 

Um or that horrid times abroad where I came and went for five months vying over a job title that meets the meager salary of a “yaya” in the Philippines aka Teaching assistant at a preschool or TA.

See, if I wrote over these experiences like going door to door in Mandarin cram schools looking for a job at 22, to finding one and getting paid your first summer camp salary at 23 and getting admitted to a real world job at 22 not from your current country

After getting denied from previous publishing industries locally postgrad I had to find my first ever real world job abroad

Many things happened to me alone in another country,

Like eating strange cuisine or talking to so many random strangers or looking onto coffee shops like snowglobes and wondering where my friends and family at

Or crying because my list of dreams in college got ruined because I dont have the support or financial capacity to fund it all like shit

So you see, the real world is tough and the vapidity of it all is self absorbing engrossment of capitalism and lack of education amongst peers around you who never fully knew the importance or grace of academic society, aka getting schooled.

When I entered sales I was frenetic and lost to the point of breaking my limits like crying since January or losing it whenever those “paasa” clients seem to hit it like crazy

But never actually buying into the idea of investment.

I never thought I would enter a wild world of drinking, cold calls and smoke everywhere like cray

Not that I hate it, I mean Ive always had ideals

But now they’ve been quite broken

From the roots of money and pain, the causes of unemployment and the search of another and the self in the ruthless world of changing economies and titles and global warming and months to the future and panic,

Ive had loads of doubts and fears to the point 2017 both terrified me and made me a stronger woman amidst the fall of literal and metaphysical worlds.

I have got many stories to tell and my grammar has been rusty since im not literally around academics,

But I promise you readers and 60 meager followers I will read to the best of success that I can.

And I will write with passion and wit and humour and pain and happiness to the limits of my existence.

Heres my prayer to each and everyone to be invincible, to follow your dream and to not let anyone have power over you, choose to love others, always be kind because love is kind.

Love is and always will be kind.

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dear-god-ive-tried-my-best-but-if-today-i-lose-my-hope-please-tell-me-that-your-plans-are-better-than-my-dreams-god-quote

Lately

I have been pretty depressed again

But working real hard !!!

😐

I realized I have been thinking too much of what I had gotten into

That I stopped to sleep well and cried over so many things that are painful but petty illogical unlikely causals

I never should have gotten myself into

Anyway

It’s just that life pretty much determines where we go from where we got up from

See,

I was never really a part of my family

That’s why lately my heart has this aching hole to find like, a home or a family, something like that.

Where do you find Spiderman or say, God?

How do you stay alive when you don’t eventually know where you put all your hard work for is going to go?

See what I mean,

I think too much. I fuck up a lot but Seriously, I have been working so hard been quite paranoid and lately, lonely

 

Where am I going

 

Are my dreams still made and ebbed in time?