future

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i never quite like them romantic stories where people say sappy shit and make googly eyes with one another.

i lost five …and still counting, motherfucking years in,my life

all started 2014.

this will be my first christmas,alone

no family yeps yeps

no more shit tours…

finally

gonna change.

thanks you

past.

im f*cking

fine.

i love y’all

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frou frou

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over the course of my life i have gained enough courage to let go of the past but sometimes dreams come in the form of water to shake us out of our reality, the doors we dared opened and the consequences we face everyday, the decisions we make and fight .

i deeply cannot forgive my mom and all her antics, drama and mess

but i know as an adult i am responsible for what i say and do, and saying less means being blessed more by grace everyday and my faith stands stronger and moves mountains,

as i write this, i wish my life were just a paper towns movie.

where

everything is on paper

and you just watch the roles play.

and you could disappear and no one will notice

… note the jenna hamilton reference

my life feels like it went dead for five years

i just woke up and opened my eyes to a new light… that of being an adult but missing the lingering feeling of being a teenaged rebel who always possessed spunk, attitude and rock and roll vibes

to the talented college admu me who sang avril songs precomposed by me, edited and shit

and people just congratulated you

for the insane lyrics and humour of it all

to sleeping in class and lousy prefactorial teachers like theologians cray waking the hell outta you and asking you silly questions like phone sex and shit

like whut in the world

and you blabber some nonsense sense-ical answer in return

yawn~

why is life like a moving train

you see it in pictures,

you pretend its a movie

but movies end

in,tightropes and figures

speeches and remarks

winners and trophys

what about- the battle of troy, significance and splendor

the glory of death

of fight club

-people who actually cared

strength

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lately

i am just going by with the flow of the days

nobody misses me

i aint got any real friends

got no family either

much less a boyfriend

i aint complaining here

am actually proud only one guy

was able to touch me

but that wont happen again

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ps : we all need love