Too many things

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So heres Whiz Khalifa in Saint Laurent.

Tomorrow I dunno what to expect

I just learned to drown the noise in

From things that get too much on my head

That literally

I just wanna scream

Where is my sale

 

I dont even pine for a boyfriend

But I always remember the books that got me by high school;

the books in class academically

Assigned to us

 

The A’s I never pretended I could get whatever I aimed for

 

The movie, “The First Time”.

the guy in college I thought,

I actually like.

 

 

The many, many haunted things and specified images that haunt my head

the decisions I am making,

 

the laundry lady who was witty and pretty

who told me I am young to be 26

— tomorrow.

 

It suddenly rained tonight.

Maybe

 

the universe is weeping for my age

@ 25 got not much– money friends family feelings,

 

 

How do you drown those noises unwanted

those people who are assholes

 

Those people who actually are so selfish and don’t care enough that

you invited them

asking who is on the guest list

asking if they can leave early.

 

 

So why bother going ???

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Why Am I

You’re born, you know, the wrong names, wrong parents. I mean, that happens. You call yourself what you want to call yourself. This is the land of the free.

–  Bob Dylan
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Easy Love.

I may always make mistakes and consume all those iced lattes from Starbucks and some of those capitalist bullshit, but dare I say despite not having any : family, friends, a someone to lean onto, there will be many misadventures yet to happen in my life, to wishing amnesia from all moments of despair and stress and catapulting loneliness or dementia or shit like crappy days to batshit memories or crazy yellings from mother to regretting I had this thing called a second Life.

Im wishing you grow up into the woman you are destined to be. Never forget those who cheered for you! Someday, you shall and will have a decent family and some company too. Real ones. XOXO, cheerios. 💄

 

being grateful,

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ive just recently been to dubai.

Its been real nice.

the food was amazing I ate much, but

The people were so kind and open.

I really liked how this little african baby just kept staring at me.

And all the head covers they have and scarves and them elegant long cloaks Muslim women wear are a mystery to some foreign girl like me.

theme parks were awesome,

Rode a roller coaster with a Jewish family.

Also visited synagogues and mosques.

Reminiscent of Germany

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Happy new year

Fragile cities

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This year I have been grateful to have met people worthy of me.

My life has its turnabouts, such as my family leaving me. Also, there will be people whom may not have the kind understanding why I harbor my resentment toward my own parents.

Likewise sending me here and there.. everywhere! To all parts of the world.

Unnamingly, as I pour piece by piece, tear by tear ounces of myself in this blog , I pray to cope and find moments of healing : for my sickness, my growth, my place in this world.

And a couple of understanding. That’s all we will ever need in our life.

To the people who left me and declined me, thanks.