intelligence is sexy

keep

so what ive worked 1 year six mos in sales

talked to alotta people

merged time around idiots

spent time chatting away with prudy wannabes

people whom never understood the pain i had inside

the pain i always carried

but nevermind

sales, i will miss you

i cannot believe the times i saturated alone

all the other agents from other developers ive basically encountered

that moments ive suicided inside a public smoking lounge and gave out flyers while chinese people smoked out

that time nobody knew me or

i felt like a dead zombie

waiting to be saved

by no one

im proud of my 1 year 6 months

i have resigned

october 13 2018 sure na sure na

sana lord kaw na bahala

ok naman ako

masakit lang yung marami kang sakit sa loob

tapos mediyo grabe ka mag mahal

kaya parati nasasaktan

pero wala naman

nagmamahal sayo

kaya ayaw na drama

sikap at tiyaga

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Bullying

IMG20181002133139

All my life I have been a silent child, up to responsible sensible young adult who can drive at seventeen to a sweet rebel teenager who can stand up and fight for herself

I can handle people throwing shade at me as I know how to fight back and scream in silence but what I cannot most tolerate are the treatment my parents have shown since birth

All they do is complain they spent a million on my studies, a million on my operation, which by the way was so critical looking back I wished God whomever He is took me already

To cut it short, someday I know I can tell with bright fiery eyes and gleam how I was raised in an abusive household. Up to now that I am a working twenty something, I left all my so called friends who have decent parents and travel and have a social life.

My heart burns with hatred but nobody should judge that. Everytime I go home my mom manages to say something unkind, or just last night my dad told me, if my attitude stays the same, then nobody will come near me.

It was hurtful how he delivered it. I was simply listening at my earphones music blasting that I had nonchalantly closed the door. It was barely loud but I guess the crickets were banging that it was apparently audible.

In my heart I have humbled a sense not to cry anymore over nonsense things. But it shookt me that he really is a patriarch old man who cannot modernize his ways, who always treat others better, who cannot accept girls in the family.

I am the first born and only girl

Many times some dear people told me not to be self pity to myself, but other times you simply cannot help it

Being emo, being so hard on yourself to the point your current boss tells you be happy and not be emo

So anyway point is Im growing up

I wish to finally break the curse of the rebellious teenage angst me and live a life of my own alone. Financially capable and knows how the world works.

Thank you for reading.

If ever you do.

Happy October.

Next

dear-god-ive-tried-my-best-but-if-today-i-lose-my-hope-please-tell-me-that-your-plans-are-better-than-my-dreams-god-quote

Lately

I have been pretty depressed again

But working real hard !!!

😐

I realized I have been thinking too much of what I had gotten into

That I stopped to sleep well and cried over so many things that are painful but petty illogical unlikely causals

I never should have gotten myself into

Anyway

It’s just that life pretty much determines where we go from where we got up from

See,

I was never really a part of my family

That’s why lately my heart has this aching hole to find like, a home or a family, something like that.

Where do you find Spiderman or say, God?

How do you stay alive when you don’t eventually know where you put all your hard work for is going to go?

See what I mean,

I think too much. I fuck up a lot but Seriously, I have been working so hard been quite paranoid and lately, lonely

 

Where am I going

 

Are my dreams still made and ebbed in time?

 

People change.

They say u never really know a person until u spent ur entire life around them  some can truly change while others          change but most of the time they are still the same.

Dont build your life around people and others because once youve invested everything including your entire heart around them

 

And one day they break you like glass and you stand like a doormat

 

Gasping, waiting and suffocating yourself  for answers that go beyond deep words and phases

 

Just like that

 

In the blink of an eye.